Victor Mong
How you get along with people and make friends depends a lot on how well you understand these four brutal things abou people. It shows you why people do what they do.
If you don’t understand what drives people and relate with them in a way that accommodates their specific or unique backgrounds, you’ll always have problems on your hands.
Here are 4 things people learn late about others that impact their relationships.
People Are Insecure, Even If They Don’t Admit It
Everyone has something they feel insecure about, even if they don’t want to admit it or pretend not to have it.
Insecurity is a universal part of the human condition. It’s the urge to hide something about ourselves that’s embedded into our psyche.
It often starts with the perception that something is wrong with us.
We think we’re awkward, boring, annoying, stupid, incompetent, or other not-good-enough traits.
This feeling of insecurity lurking unconsciously impacts how we interact with others and respond in social situations.
This is why many people, for example, deliberately pass up answering questions in class or pass up promotions because they require public speaking.
We become defensive, interpret innocent comments as personal attacks, and seek validation from all angles.
Unless we conceal our perceived flaws, it will become obvious to everyone, who will judge and reject us.
When you recognize that everyone you meet is dealing with one insecurity or another, treating people with empathy and understanding becomes easy.
This minimizes the urge to judge and compare ourselves to others and instead forces us to focus on building stronger connections based on accepting each other’s struggles and vulnerabilities.
Present Behaviors Often Reflect People’s Past Experiences
Our past experiences influence our present behaviors.
We don’t just behave the way we do. In most cases, our choices and actions are informed by experiences we’ve had in the past.
Take, for example, someone who grew up in a home where arguments and fights between their parents over every issue were constant.
Such a person will learn to become highly sensitive to conflict, fear confrontation, and often shy away from expressing their needs, even as an adult.
It’s not because they don’t want to stand up for themselves. It’s just that their past has conditioned them to feel triggered by fear, anxiety, and distress in situations requiring confrontation.
So, they’d rather avoid a conversation about the issue, even if it’s at their own expense.
When you understand this about people, that more often than not, their behaviors are based on the mental script from the past, it fundamentally changes how you interact and relate to them.
You start to see beyond people’s surface-level behaviors and seek to understand the underlying reasons and triggers behind why they do what they do.
This shift in perspective allows you to be more accepting of other people and show greater compassion when dealing with them.
Many people don’t learn this crucial lesson and it hurts their relationships.
Everyone Will Not Like You
Regardless of who you are or what you do, realizing that everyone will not like you is one of the most important lessons you can learn about others.
They’re people who make it their life’s work never to like you, no matter the effort you make to do your best in your work.
We are social animals. We want to be liked, to feel accepted, and to have a sense that those around us value us.
People will talk down on you, belittle your work, criticize you, and laugh at what you’re doing.
Sometimes there is no explanation for it. Even if you do everything right, they’ll find fault and make jest of you.
The key is knowing not to take this personally. After all, you don’t like everybody yourself, and that’s okay.
As Don Miguel Ruiz said in his book, The Four Agreements: “Nothing anyone else does is because of you. They’re living their own drama.”
When you understand this, you no longer have to stress yourself to make people like you.
You become more resilient in the face of criticism or indifference, recognizing it’s not a reflection of your worth or abilities.
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People Are Not as Good as They Think They Are
People aren’t as good as they think they are. It’s a lesson most people learn the hard way.
Everyone thinks they’re nicer, more moral, smarter, and more competent than everyone else.
So, when we interact, relate, or work together, we often expect others to be like us (laughs) and bring the same level of energy, enthusiasm, and commitment that we think we bring.
But most people are hardly as good as they think they are. Overstating our abilities, strengths, and virtues isn’t a new phenomenon.
The problem is? We expect too much from people. We want them to do things they’re not capable of doing.
And then when they fail, we feel disappointed, betrayed, and let down.
Learning this lesson tempers how you look at people and what level of expectations you have in them.
It allows you to become more realistic in your judgment of people and their abilities.
As a result, you’re more likely to approach relationships with a healthy dose of skepticism and humility, knowing that everyone has limitations and no one is infallible or immune to making mistakes, including yourself.
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