Do you feel you’re not valued by someone or people you care about?
Feeling valued and appreciated is key to a healthy relationship.
Whether it’s with family members, friends, and co-workers or with a romantic partner, you’re likely to be happier and more satisfied if you feel valued.
However, it can be difficult to know if someone really values you. A person may claim you’re important to them but their actions will be saying something different.
If someone truly values you, how they behave and treat you will be obvious. Here are some of the things you should look out for if you’re in doubt:
They Put Everything Else on Hold to Spend Time With You
If someone values your place in their life, they’ll stop what they’re doing to spend time with you.
We’re all pretty busy, shuffling between work, school, family responsibilities, and interests. It can be challenging to meet the needs of the people we care about.
But if someone always makes out time to be with you, it’s safe to say they consider you an important part of their life and you truly matter to them.
If for some reason they can’t see you on a certain day or time, they’ll work out a more convenient period. The point is that they’re not so occupied with everything else that you become just a passing interest in their life. Instead, you’re a priority.
However, if someone starts making excuses about how their job or other commitments don’t allow them to spend time with you, you don’t need a prophet to tell you what you need to know — you’re not important.
They Give You Their Full And Undivided Attention
Attention is focused and perceptive awareness of the present moment.
When you give undivided attention to someone, you actively listen, watch, observe, and process information about that person at that time while ignoring other things.
Our attention is limited. When you juggle too many things at once, you start to miss things that you should notice.
That’s why we’re selective about investing our attentional capacity where it counts. You’re reading this article because for some reason, it’s important to you now.
Similarly, someone who values you will often give you their undivided attention when it matters. They’ll give your their ears and listen to what you have to say.
Also, in an age where most people spend more time looking at their phone screens than the person sitting next to them, phones are now a major barrier to fostering genuine connections in face-to-face interactions.
Someone who values you will put away their phones when they’re with you.
Of course, we all check our phones now and then. There’s nothing wrong with it. Someone who does this all the time, ignoring you while you’re talking about something important, has no value or respect for you.
They Make You Feel Safe
One of the most important reasons you connect with someone and have a relationship with them is because they make you feel you’re in a safe place.
If someone values and respects you, they’ll provide you with physical and emotional safety.
They will not turn a conversation into an argument that will end in a fight. You don’t want to be in a relationship where someone has no qualms about hitting you and is constantly shouting, yelling, and kicking.
Emotional safety occurs when someone allows you to be your true self without fear of being judged.
Someone who values you will also allow you to be yourself. They will allow you to be vulnerable about your hurts, insecurities, fears, and dreams without fear of shame or rejection.
They won’t try to control your life, make decisions for you, or cut you off from people who care about you.
Related – 3 Questions For Dealing With Toxic People
They Won’t Take You For Granted
When someone values you, they won’t take you for granted.
Sometimes, a person can decide to do something for you because they hope to “penetrate” or buy you. That is, they might do you a favor because they hope to open a door for themselves through you. That’s manipulative.
But when someone values you, they won’t play such games with you.
They’ll do something for you, no matter how small, because they want to see you happy and to make your life easier.
They Promptly Return Your Calls or Texts
Texting may be less romantic than writing love letters, but it’s a form of communicating with people in this digital age.
And there is growing scientific evidence that it can affect how strong a relationship can be as well as how satisfied partners can be.
In one study involving 205 people aged 18–29 who were in a relationship, researchers found that the way you text—and how you feel about how your partner texts—influence how satisfied you are with your relationship.
Responding quickly to messages and phone calls is one of the most important ways a person can demonstrate that they value you. If someone considers you as a priority, they’ll make effort to respond once they’re less busy.
However, if you’re not a priority and they don’t value you, they’ll often take a long time to respond to even the most urgent messages. They may choose not to return your calls. Worse, they will not bother to apologize for their behavior.
They Tell You Don’t Want to Hear
If someone really values you and wants the best for you, they’ll always tell you the truth.
Someone can claim to care about you but will shy away from telling what you need to hear and instead watch you make mistakes and do the wrong things. They’ll lie to you just so that they can keep getting something from you.
To them, they can’t afford to offend you by correcting you. So they’ll rather sweet-talk you and tell you only what you want to hear.
But someone who truly cares about you and values you won’t hesitate to tell you what you need to hear. They won’t mind offending as long as it’s the right thing to do.
They’ll see your blind spots and help you do better.
The goal isn’t to rile you or point out how imperfect you are. Instead, it’s to make sure you don’t get into even bigger problems that will cost you more than you can bargain for.
Final Thoughts
Knowing that you’re valued by the people in your life is so important. It makes your life better.
The good thing is that it’s not hard to know whether or not someone values you. You will see it with your eyes through their actions. You will feel it through the love and care they constantly show you.
The main sign that someone values and respects you is how they put real effort into the relationship. They listen, communicate, make you feel safe, and support you through your hard times.
This isn’t to say they’ll never be a time when someone who values you will not do something that will hurt you. They might offend you or disagree.
Over the long term, however, you’ll see a pattern that shows you’re always their priority and that they have your interest at heart.
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