Most people do things that show disrespect to others.
Disrespect in any form damages healthy human interactions.
One way to know someone cares and values you is if they respect you. As Miguel Angel Ruiz once said, “Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love.”
When we engage in behaviors that disrespect others, we show our lack of appreciation for them. This not only erodes trust and fosters negativity, it also undermines the relationship.
Here are seven behaviors that are disrespectful, even though they don’t always look like it.
1. Ghosting Someone Without Explanation
Ghosting is a behavior that signals an utter lack of respect in subtle yet profound ways.
It doesn’t matter what someone says; they don’t respect you if they find it convenient to blank you out at any given chance.
You met someone new, be it through an app, a mutual friend, or at a social event. You’re vibing, sharing laughs and plans. The initial conversations are promising; a connection sparks and a potential bond forms.
Then suddenly, crickets. Just as swiftly as the conversations began, they abruptly halted every contact with you.
They no longer respond to your messages, your calls go to voicemail, and your once-promising interaction fades into an unsettling silence.
Now, you’re restless, crawling up on your bed, pacing the floor, and wondering what went wrong or if they’re even okay.
No matter what reason you may have, ghosting is disrespectful. It shows a disregard for other people’s feelings. It’s like saying, “Your feelings don’t matter enough for me to communicate honestly.”
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and honest communication.
If you find yourself losing interest in or needing space from someone, think about how your silence will hurt them, so you can at least have the courtesy to have an open and honest conversation about it.
This not only shows respect for the other person’s feelings but also helps create a culture of empathy and understanding.
2. Wasting Other People’s Time
When you have a meet-up or an appointment with someone, one of the highest forms of disrespect you can show them is showing up late.
Just take a moment and imagine how you’d feel if you had a crucial meeting with someone at 4 o’clock, rearranged your schedule to make sure you got there on time, and ended up waiting for them for a whole 2 hours.
You won’t be smiling, will you?
Nobody wants their time wasted, which is why people feel strongly about lateness.
For instance, writer and business coach Jennifer Cohen did a poll of 150 of her business associates.
Over 80% of them said careless time-wasting was one of their top three most significant sources of annoyance when working with other people.
Of course, some moments can be unavoidable, like having your car break down, getting stuck in a traffic jam, having your flight delayed, or because of unforeseen circumstances.
The truth, however, remains that such moments don’t happen all the time.
And even if always being late is in your DNA, you can always find a way to let the other person know that you value their time.
More so, wasting people’s time portrays you as untrustworthy and unreliable in upholding your commitments.
Time is a finite resource. It can’t be recovered when lost. You cannot respect someone if you disrespect their time.
Being punctual isn’t just a nice little habit; it’s directly correlated with trust and respect.
So, consistently arriving late without a valid reason isn’t just about disrespecting others and their time; it also signals unreliability and a lack of trustworthiness, whether you mean it or not.
3. Constantly Interrupting When Someone Is Still Speaking
Effective communication only takes place when everyone in a conversation feels heard and understood.
This involves actively listening to others, giving them the space to express their thoughts without interruption, and acknowledging their perspectives.
However, one behavior that not only limits people from engaging in meaningful conversations but also shows a lack of respect for them is being repeatedly interrupted.
When you interrupt, you disrupt the flow of their thoughts at that moment and compromise their ability to express their ideas coherently.
You’re saying that what they have to say isn’t as important as what you want to say—that you don’t respect them enough to grant them the time to at least finish talking.
Do you know how that makes anyone look at you? Rude, egotistical, domineering, disrespectful, and lacking in self-discipline
People report higher satisfaction and generally perceive the listener as more understanding when they’re allowed to speak without interruption.
So always let others finish their thoughts unless what you have to say is extremely urgent or related to an emergency.
4. Giving Someone Backhanded Compliments
Have you ever had someone say nice things to you, but what they said was everything except nice?
They seem to have made a positive comment about you or your work. However, beneath their words, there’s a hidden meaning that’s cajoling or disrespectful.
Backhanded compliments are those seemingly nice flatteries that carry subtle digs and often indirectly convey disrespect.
For instance, you wore new clothes to work, and a colleague says to you, “You’re so brave to wear that outfit; not everyone can pull off such a bold choice.”
It looks like a positive comment on the surface but subtly implies that the outfit isn’t the best fit for you.
Another example is when someone makes statements like:
“You’re good at this, considering your lack of experience.”
“You’re surprisingly funny for a quiet person.”
“You’re so independent. It’s no wonder you haven’t found someone yet.”
“You’re coping with this so much better than I thought you would.”
On the surface, these comments seem almost like a concern for the other person, but they’re unflattering insults and acts of disrespect.
Researchers have looked at when and why people use backhanded compliments, whether they improve status and likeability compared with outright sincere compliments, and if so, by how much.
They found that people who give backhanded compliments often come across as less sincere, less attractive, more condescending, and less competent than those who offer traditional compliments.
If you have a habit of lacing your words with subtle jabs in the form of compliments, you don’t just come across as disrespectful but also become less likable.
5. Consciously Undermining Your Achievements
People respond in different ways to others’ achievements and successes.
Some people will genuinely rejoice and be happy for your success and wish to achieve the same or even better results. But I’ve seen people who would rather belittle your accomplishments than take note of your hard work.
The way someone reacts to your success is a clear indication of the quality of your relationship and the level of respect they hold for you.
Someone who genuinely expresses happiness and support for your achievements shows they recognize your hard work and will often have nothing but respect for your success.
They won’t be looking for a way to demean, talk down, or find fault with what you’ve done.
But if they’re consistently reacting with envy, indifference, or even attempts to downplay your hard work and achievements, it’s a sign they don’t genuinely respect your accomplishments.
According to psychologists, the two most painful and disrespectful ways of reacting to someone’s success and achievements are:
- Active-destructive responding Examples include when someone says things like:
“Oh, you got an A on that test? Well, it must have been an easy one.”
“Sure, you finished the project early, but anyone could have done it with that much time.”
The purpose is to minimize or belittle your efforts and success.
- Passive-destructive responding
Your friend shares with you that they’ve published a book, and you change the topic without acknowledging their achievement.
You reached a sales target and shared it with a colleague, but they didn’t react or ask about your achievement.
Instead of making sarcastic comments and deliberately trying to undermine other people’s achievements, learn to celebrate their successes.
Recognize that no one’s success or accomplishments diminish your worth or limit you in any way.
Studies show that acknowledging and celebrating others’ success leads to improved relationships, increased positive emotions, and a stronger sense of community.
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6. Invalidating Others’ Feelings
Dismissing or invalidating someone’s emotions or concerns is a form of disrespect.
Imagine sharing your fears about how stressed you’re having at work with your boss, only for them to brush them aside with a casual remark or dismissive tone.
This behavior sends a message that your feelings don’t matter, and at that moment, your legitimate concerns are downplayed, leaving you feeling unheard.
Every emotion deserves to be given unhindered expression.
People have a reason for feeling a certain way at any point in time. For example, how someone feels is an indication of their ongoing experience. When those feelings aren’t fully let out, they can cause problems for our health.
So, questioning someone for feeling a particular way isn’t just about disrespecting them; it’s also about blocking them from meeting their psychological needs.
7. Digital Multitasking During Conversations
The smartphone era has gifted us the ability to be present in multiple worlds simultaneously.
You can be physically engaged with someone while they’re, at the same time, juggling multiple conversations online and scrolling through social media.
However, this behavior portrays a lack of respect for the person sitting beside you.
Let’s be real: you’re having a conversation with someone, and all the time, they have their face buried in their screen and hardly remember you’re even there.
It’s not surprising that phones have become an increasingly malignant tumor, eating away at the quality of in-person interactions.
If someone truly respects you and values your thoughts, feelings, and presence in their life, they’ll often give you their full attention any moment you’re around them.
That means they’re not going to be distracted by their phones or anything else. Instead, they’ll watch what you’re doing and listen carefully to what you have to say—anything you have to say.
When we divide our attention between the virtual and the real, we dilute the quality of our interactions and undermine the value of the present moment.
Final Thoughts
Disrespect is a learned behavior. It can also be unlearned, and that begins with you — how you treat yourself.
Renowned author and speaker Brene Brown put it this way:
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”
If you treat yourself with respect, set clear boundaries, and communicate them to everyone around you, others will think twice before disrespecting you.
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