11 Red Flags To Watch In Yourself

We’re often preoccupied with thoughts of other people’s red flags, but we rarely consider how our own behaviors impact others.

It’s like we’re standing in front of a big mirror, checking out everyone else’s reflection but forgetting to take a peek at our own.

This is a common human bias.

We tend to think we’re less likely to act or behave in the same way as others do. We think we’re immune to mistakes or missteps.

Because of this, we’re not always mindful of our actions. This sense of invulnerability can hinder us from recognizing the subtle ways our actions might hurt others.

The truth is, you’re human. You’re not perfect. You make mistakes. You’re susceptible to behaviors you may think are okay without realizing they affect the people around you.

Recognizing these red flags can help you manage how you relate to and interact with others in any relationship.

Here are 11 major red flags to watch out for in yourself:

You Get Angry When Someone Corrects You

How you respond to being corrected can be a red flag because it gives a clue about your emotional maturity.

Do you become angry or defensive, ready to counterattack?

Do you accept the feedback with an open mind and a “thank you for pointing that out” attitude?

It’s natural to feel embarrassed when we make a mistake. It’s like having a crack in the shiny surface we try to project to the world.

However, if you find yourself always responding with anger or defensiveness when someone points out your mistake or corrects you, it’s a red flag that most likely shows deeper underlying issues like insecurities or a fragile ego.

We all make mistakes, and when we find out, we take urgent steps to fix them. Sometimes, however, we don’t see our mistakes by ourselves and need others to point them out for us.

The goal isn’t to make you upset or point out how imperfect you are; it’s about making sure you don’t dig yourself into a deeper hole.

So, reacting with anger can shut down communication, prevent constructive dialogue, and make others hesitant to give feedback when you need it.

You Are A Control Freak

Some people are control freaks. They don’t let those around them breathe, whether in a relationship or at work.

They’re constantly trying to dictate or control other people’s actions, choices, and interactions. This is a red flag to look out for in yourself.

If you’re a control freak, you’ll often have an intense need to be in charge of everything and everyone around you.

In a relationship, they’re overly possessive or jealous, not allowing their partners to have any personal space.

They constantly monitor their partners’ activities, restrict their interactions with others, and even try to control their emotions and feelings.

At work, they tend to dominate meetings, dismiss others’ ideas, and insist on doing things their way all the time.

They have difficulty trusting and delegating tasks to colleagues and team members, which creates a stifling and suffocating work environment.

A healthy relationship thrives on trust, respect, and collaboration. Regardless of the reason, being too controlling puts friction in your relationship with others.

So, if you find yourself having a strong urge to put your thumb on everything, take a step back and reflect on the reasons behind this behavior.

You Disregard Other People’s Boundaries

Boundaries are like protective walls around human relationships and interactions. They’re like a fence you put around your garden.

They set the bar for what is comfortable and safe for each of us.

When someone respects and cares about you, they’ll honor and respect your boundaries. They won’t push you beyond what you’re comfortable with or make you do something you don’t want to do.

However, if you find yourself breaking or disrespecting other people’s boundaries, it’s a red flag you should look out for in yourself.

Why? Because it shows a lack of consideration and empathy for others. It’s like trampling on their feelings and disregarding their needs just to have your way.

This behavior can deeply hurt your relationships. It makes people feel unimportant, misunderstood, or even used.

Apologizing For Your Mistakes Feels Hard

Human relationships, whether it’s with a friend, family member, or partner, cannot be devoid of missteps and disagreements.

It speaks to the differences in our orientation that every once in a while, we’ll certainly fail to meet the expectations of those who put their faith in us.

However, making mistakes, failing to meet expectations, or having misunderstandings is not the problem; it’s how you handle it that matters.

Apologizing sincerely or admitting that you’re wrong shows humility. It demonstrates a strong desire to make things right. It means you value the other person.

If you find it difficult to apologize for your mistakes or say sorry when you do something wrong, it’s a red flag in yourself that’s worth paying attention to.

If you aren’t okay with admitting it when you mess, or if saying sorry becomes a tough task, it’s safe to say that you’re not ready to have a functioning relationship.

We’re all humans, and making mistakes is normal. Admit it, apologize, and move on.

Research shows that apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions enhances trust and forgiveness in relationships. It’s like building a bridge to mend any cracks caused by mistakes.

You Take People For Granted

Expressing appreciation, showing gratitude, and valuing the people in your life is the foundation of lasting and fulfilling connections.

Most people desire to receive love and support but don’t give back. You’ll give them your heart and soul and put so much effort into making them happy.

But the moment you slip up or fail to do one thing for them, they’ll complain and forget about all the other good stuff you’ve been doing. It’s like all your efforts are taken for granted.

It can be disheartening.

If you notice you’re doing things that suggest taking others for granted, whether at work or in a romantic relationship, it’s a red habit to watch in yourself.

Taking others for granted means you often overlook their efforts or presence in your life. You don’t recognize their worth, treat them with respect and kindness, or bother about their feelings and needs.

It’s important to recognize and appreciate the people in our lives and the value they bring.

When you take others for granted, you risk losing the connection and closeness you have with them. It creates distance and makes it difficult to maintain healthy and meaningful relationships.

You Are Too Self-Centered

All relationships are based on the principle of reciprocity: give and take.

For a relationship to thrive, both parties must give to each other as much as they receive. This creates a sense of mutual benefit.

Taking without giving is a red flag because it creates an imbalance that strains the relationship. That’s what self-centered people do.

They’re only interested in things that benefit them. They may claim to have your interest at heart, but if something doesn’t benefit them in some way, they won’t even bother about it.

If you’re unwilling to contribute or provide support, you can’t have a healthy and balanced relationship.

You Are A Ghoster

Ghosting people is bad, and unfortunately, some people seem to be good at it.

If someone offends you or does something you don’t like, they deserve to know about it so they can apologize.

Avoiding important conversations or bottling up your emotions can lead to misunderstandings and leave issues unresolved.

Ghosting them or running away from expressing how you feel is a red flag. It prevents you from having an open and honest conversation.

Honesty and genuine dialogue are essential ingredients for healthy relationships.

You Don’t Know When to Say No

Do you usually neglect your own needs and focus on meeting the needs of others?

Here’s what I mean. You have an urgent task at hand, and a friend comes along and asks you to help them do something.

Instead of politely telling them that you’re engaged at that moment (or waiting for a more convenient time), you instantly switch over to what they asked you to do, leaving your own problem.

Being helpful is a great virtue to have, but what I’ve learned is that it’s sometimes not borne out of altruism.

It’s usually driven by the fear of rejection and the tendency to make others happy at our own expense.

If you make yourself available by playing the role of Father Christmas, people will milk you dry and use you to get what they want.

At some point, you have to say no to requests and commitments that keep you constantly busy and focus on your own needs.

If you find that you struggle to say no, even when everything in you screams it, it’s a red flag to observe in yourself.

Overextending yourself by saying yes to every request without setting boundaries can lead to exhaustion and burnout. Know when it’s enough to be nice to others and focus on yourself.

You Dwell on Negative Thoughts

Catastrophizing involves extreme negativity; you’re constantly thinking about every bad thing that could happen.

Let’s say you have an important exam. You start to imagine the worst possible scenarios: “What if I fail the test? I’ll never pass this class. If I fail, my parents will be so disappointed in me. I won’t get into college, and my future will be ruined!”

As hard to think about as it is, some people are like this. They’re always imagining bad outcomes and blowing potential problems out of proportion.

You might not know this, but it’s a red flag to look out for in yourself because it affects you and those around you.

If you’re constantly anticipating disaster, overthinking negative scenarios, and dwelling on potential failures, it can lead to unnecessary fights and misunderstandings.

You’ll often expect the worst from others. As a result, you’ll be hyper-focused on their flaws and mistakes. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy; you see what you’re looking for.

This creates tension and makes it hard to trust and connect with them.

You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough

Feeling like an impostor is a red flag that casts a shadow on your self-esteem and relationships.

It’s that nagging feeling that you’re unworthy or undeserving of your success, despite evidence of your capabilities.

If you don’t observe the subtle influence of this behavior in yourself, it can limit your growth and affect your relationships.

You undervalue your abilities and shy away from new opportunities to avoid making mistakes or failures that will finally “expose” you as a fraud.

In your relationships, you’ll find yourself struggling to connect authentically and be your true self.

You’ll constantly feel you’re not good enough or you don’t deserve love, and you’ll struggle to open up because you’re afraid others will reject or judge you if they find out your perceived flaws.

To build a healthy relationship with yourself and others, look out for this red flag in yourself so that it doesn’t create an emotional disconnect in the relationship.

You Care Too Much About Others’ Opinions

If you find yourself spending too much time worrying about how others see you or attempting to be the person they want you to be so that you can earn their love and acceptance, you’ll eventually lose yourself.

People-pleasing behavior never works for anyone. It’s exhausting.

People who place other people’s opinions above their own limit their freedom to be themselves.

They often do what they don’t want to do just to please others. They’re afraid of saying no, even when they want to, just because they don’t want to disappoint anyone.

Observe this in yourself.